Oh, to bee human ~ it is, by far, the most intriguing terrain to navigate.
Sitting with my sadness this weekend, especially as the past week built up to it, was the only place where I could bee. A past me once sought escape to anywhere else but "here" (co-depending it away...) as a means to not be present with what is. Today's me just wants to go as deeply into whatever it is that she is feeling so that I may shift that which has me perpetuating patterns that do not serve and, thus, from living my dreams.
As always, it is the RELATIONSHIPS is my life that sustain and nurture me. Surrounded by men, women and children who are my community, my pulse, it is our conversations - our walks and talks, our dancing, our sitting in circle, our breaking bread, our very collective bee-ing - that fuels my heartbeat. And, it has taken me quite awhile to recognize when another is projecting their stuff onto me. I have to remind myself to don my Super Woman bracelets as I remember to deflect the outright projection, blame and anger that others can unconsciously throw in my direction. Other times, I nudge myself to relax into the knowing that what that person just said to me, right there, has nothing to do with me, whatsoever. It is simply his or her own sadness and pain for how he or she is not showing up in their own lives.
Last night, J. was talking about "envy" as being a "negative emotion." "It's not good or bad," I responded, "it just is. I allow myself to feel my envy as an INVITATION to explore what is going on within. Is what I am seeing another person reflect something I would also like to be doing for myself? Once I've answered this question, then I can stop feeling jealous and start giving myself what I need." Focusing on the direction you want to move in will keep you out of the life-draining drama of "he said, she said" and in the forward flow of attracting to yourself that which you dream.
Now, get moving.
