Listen, friends,
one of my truths is that I've been asleep - deeply asleep -
for years now.
I even wrote a poem about it -
"the Sleeper," it's called. I spoke it aloud & "danced" a performance art piece to it back in fall 2010 at North Park's Bluefoot Bar. (I wasn't a hit that night, to say the least. ; )
However, in preparation of "Love Notes from God," my love-book of select poetry and other found objects due out JANUARY 1st, 2013, I only recently re-wrote the last stanza (to reflect my own evolutionary movement from being asleep to waking).
It goes a little like this:
"...the sexy truth is that what remains is within
it is within
and I am
awake."
The past few months have, specifically, been illuminating just how potent of a medicine STORY is. The more I write about LIFE, the more it becomes a REALITY. So, I've re-written the past.
It began today with my visit to the DMV to replace ID cards from a wallet that disappeared back in August, then I dropped in on the Superior Court to tend to a ticket from January 2011 that had my driver's license suspended. Also included were trips into bank(s) for debit cards from the stolen wallet, and I'm only beginning to clean up the mess that all of my sleeping has created. I have had my head so far up my butt - living like my life was of little value, making a joke of all of it while simultaneously resisting everything. I've cut swaths of destruction along my path.
And, still, last night, as I stopped to walk under that powerful moon out on the land where I was bitten by that fateful rattlesnake, I was overcome with a deep sense of knowing that everything, up until now, has been absolutely perfect and that, on this planet, there is not one hair out of place - even with all of the suffering and the pain. This embodied feeling dropped me to my knees and had me caught up in the throes of wailing. FUCK! Holding space for all of it - for ALL OF LIFE - is deep shit.
So, I pull up in front of Las Raices today and I reflect on the loss of a beloved community space once more, as well as the transition into what's to come, yet again. AND, I also remembered how my soul sisters and I - six of us - sat together in powerful intention setting while breaking bread and enjoying conversation on that seminal June 5th, 2012 day when Venus transited Mars and when we committed to our personal healing as our collective goal. Thus, I've spent 2012 healing my broken ass and though it wasn't until these last few weeks that I really understood just how crazy, imbalanced and cuckoo I am, I've now claimed my healing.
Encouraged to work with the medicine of FORGIVENESS for this month has been the icing on the cake.
It all came down to this:
Can I forgive myself for how I've been running from my destiny, cowering in the dark and hiding under the covers?
YES!
Can I forgive you?
YES! (Yes, yes, yes, yes.)
Now,
can you forgive me?
I hope so, because it's our only way forward.
